Resolving Conflict

Many of us think it’s a “win” if we’re able to avoid conflict, and many of us feel it’s an “L” if we find ourselves in conflict. We’re no different, but we’ve also had a change in perspective over the years. Our church, Watermark Community Church, has emphasized to us over and over that, “Conflict is inevitable, but conflict is also an opportunity.” Yes - believe it or not, we can conflict and still honor God. But even if we fall short, we are still called to reconciliation. Recently, a friend who leads a re|engage ministry at a church in Denver, shared a framework to help navigate the aftermath of a conflict. We recently put it into motion in our own marriage following a conflict and it helped us to better understand one another, as well as come to quicker resolution. Here’s the framework:

• Pray and invite God in! Psalm 139:23-24 can help bring your heart into a humble posture.

• The facts: how do you see what happened? How do I see what happened? Can we agree on the facts?

• Judgment: how am I judging you, as it pertains to this event? Where are my responses coming from (the root)?

• Feelings: how did this event/situation make me feel?

• Owning it: what is MY part in all of this? What do I need to apologize and ask forgiveness for? (conflict takes two…each person has a part to own)

• Looking ahead: what can we do differently next time? How can we avoid or lessen the impact of this conflict in the future?

And if you’re looking for a fantastic in-depth read and tool to further explore resolving conflict biblically, we highly recommend Watermark’s “Conflict Field Guide” linked below: