marriage re|imagined
We were sitting at the re|engage Training Conference at Watermark Community Church in Dallas in May 2023, and our friends Dennis & Brenda Greer who lead re|engage at Beltway Park Church in Abilene, Texas, encouraged us to consider locking arms with other re|engage leader couples to walk through the newly updated re|engage curriculum together as a virtual group via Zoom. The idea sounded fantastic but my immediate thought was the impending move into the RV should get our full attention.
Before I could share this with Alex, he was already texting several couples we’d met along the way during our travels…and I am so thankful he did. God worked mightily through this group on our marriage and hearts during our 14 weeks together. Moving into the RV revealed sin struggles that would spill out during our increasingly common conflicts. I’m forever grateful this group was there to offer support and hold us accountable to what we both desired: to love and honor Christ and one another, regardless of all that was going on around us. It would be easy to justify the many conflicts we had as we learned how to live in a 43ft metal box on wheels, but I was often reminded that which comes out of me lives in me (Mark 7:20) - circumstances don’t create or justify my actions and reactions. These couples from Colorado, Tennessee, and Texas leaned into us weekly, spurring us on toward Christ as we officially hit the road. While we both took much away from this group, here is a quick rundown of my most significant realizations:
My response is my responsibility. Before full-time RVing, our marriage was relatively healthy. We were intentional (though far from perfect) about putting each other’s needs first, worked through conflict quickly, and prioritized dating and checking in with one another. I soon realized it’s far easier to be humble, loving, and patient when my circumstances are stationary and constant. Everything that was routine for us (meals, shopping, working out, working, couch time, time with God, date nights) transitioned into a state of constant flux. Problem solving became perpetual: where do we park?; where is the nearest grocery store?; how do we fix what just broke?; etc. Our re|engage group challenged us to focus on how to love one another well while extending much grace as we continued to learn a new way of life.
How and what I prioritize matters. We both work full-time remotely, so by day we’re on marathons of calls and by night, we’re visiting re|engage ministries and pursuing our creative passions: Alex is a budding documentary filmmaker and I have responsibility for our social pages and this website. These are such labors of love and gifts we deeply enjoy. And they require extensive time…time to develop a story, script, shoot, film, edit, and publish. This became a tug of war for us, both pulling in our own direction according to our own priorities. I would wrap up writing a blog and desire to watch a movie together and Alex would be editing drone footage. Or Alex would want to go on a walk together after work, and I would prioritize creating a new reel for our social pages. Our group asked us some pointed but necessary questions about how we can prioritize God and one another, and secondarily honor and support one another’s passions…this challenged who and what we prioritize.
My words can lift up or tear down. Communication in this new season became, well, crunchy. Expectations of one another were high and often uncommunicated, fuses were short, patience and grace made appearances only after the damage was done. We had fallen into old bad habits - namely both wanting to be heard and needing to be right. During the “communication” lesson in our group, we worked through the speaker | listener technique, which drives home the point that communication isn’t about being understood, but about understanding what our spouse is trying to share with us. Watching this group move their hearts toward a posture of active listening and honoring their spouses with their ears and words, spurred us on tremendously.
God so gently reminded us over the past 14 weeks that we weren’t designed to do life and marriage in isolation - we were built to be in community, lifting one another up and continually encouraging each other to follow Christ’s example of perfect love. This re|engage group shepherded us through a season of significant change and we are deeply grateful for them! Team Mitchell led the final lesson in the book and asked us to describe our journey through the re|engage curriculum with a “re” - word. For me, our marriage has been re|imagined…marriage in an RV ❤️ 🚐
Written by Jen
Published October 19, 2023