Army of Ants
One of our favorite things is an early morning walk, checking in with one another using something we learned called “FANOSA”. When we were separated in 2016 and working through the aftermath of infidelity, a therapist recommended we use this check-in model to help us learn how to rebuild trust and become emotionally vulnerable with one another. Years and hundreds of FANOSA check-ins later (we try to check in a few times a week), this morning’s walk and check-in challenged me.
Let’s back up to this past spring. We were driving home from a trip to visit our friends who lead re|engage at The Journey Church in Lebanon, TN and we began to feel God’s call to go “all in” on visiting marriage ministries around the country. After much prayer and counsel, along with God flinging doors open left and right, we launched into full time RVing. 🚐 🙏🏻
And here we are…8 months later, en route back to see our friends at The Journey Church in Tennessee! But it hasn’t all been smooth sailing. Since we moved out of our home and into the RV in late July, we’ve had: 1) a bathroom pipe leak, 2) a blown fuse that left our hydraulic system paralyzed, 3) a broken fresh water pump, 4) a crow fly into the side of the RV, and 5) a battery/solar upgrade that took an unexpected 6 weeks (which left us bouncing around 5 Airbnbs and a hotel). We finally picked up our RV yesterday, moved everything back in from storage, and set sail for TN. Here we go, we thought!
That night, we took in the gorgeous late night view (see the picture on the left) from the campsite at Lake DeGray in Arkansas, which was our pitstop for the night. While lying in bed, we felt the thrill of reuniting with our home on wheels and life on the road! BUT…the next morning we awoke to a floor teeming with ants. They were EVERYWHERE, tens of thousands of them, coming up through the floor into the RV. We discovered their entry point - this army of ants had created a super highway up our electric cable and had crossed a branch that touched the RV roof.
After a solid cleaning and Alex spider-manning to the roof to remove the ants’ tree branch bridge, we set off on a morning walk and began our check-in. The “F” in FANOSA is for “feeling” (i.e. sharing how I’m currently feeling).
I confessed to Alex that these past few months since moving out of our brick and mortar home haven’t been easy…I’ve been asking God why He’s allowed this initial part of our journey to be so hard (and yes, I fully realize these are first world problems) when we’re just trying to be faithful.
Alex’s reply was piercing, “God never promised this would be easy.” GULP. It all suddenly came into focus - I had unknowingly packed an enormous amount of expectations and moved right into this RV with them. I’ve also been working slowly through the books of Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers in the Bible, studying how God pulled the Israelites from a life of slavery at the hands of the Egyptians and in doing so, led them into the desert. He was working to remove Egypt and a life of slavery from their hearts, and replace it with obedience and a desire to follow Him - often using difficult circumstances and removing creature comforts to get their attention. Over and over again, they grumbled, plotted, quarreled, and strayed. The Israelites’ collective words culminate in Numbers 20:4-5, “Why did you bring [us] into this wilderness, that we…should die here? Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to this terrible place?”
How similar to the Israelites I have become early on in this journey. And how faithful my husband was to challenge my doubt, to point out that my expectations were exposing a desire for ease and comfort. Jesus never promised this. In fact, He promised just the opposite - that in this world, we will have trouble (John 16:33). But He also promises us that He is always working things for good (Romans 8:28) and that there is purpose in the hardship (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Alex in his simple, yet profound comment redirected my focus back on Jesus to keep my eyes locked on Him instead of my circumstances. Following Jesus obediently includes leaning into the process, whatever that may entail (Proverbs 3:5-6).
So we wrapped up our walk, completed one more ant-irradication wipe down of the RV, and hit the road for Tennessee. As Alex has been driving, I’ve written this in hopes that his faithful response might also challenge your hearts in those moments when doubt and fear creep in, or when expectations go unmet ❤️
Written by Jen
Published September 24, 2023